A few weeks ago one of my students wrote in our FBCA WhatsApp group asking for support. She had just found out that one of her best friends had received a very serious diagnosis. She was devastated. She said, I cannot support my friend right now because of how I am feeling.
Here is the thing. This student of mine has faced a serious diagnosis herself, not once, not twice, but three times in five years. Of course her body knew exactly what that news meant. Of course it hit her in the bones.
And that moment gave me the idea for this episode, because if you are the kind of person people come to when they are hurting, if strangers in a grocery store tell you their life story, if you lose sleep over other people's pain, if you work in a field where you stare pain in the eye every single day, this one is for you.
I want to teach you how to be empathetic, how to be the face of Christ for the people assigned to you, and how to do it with greatness, wisdom, and compassion, without losing yourself in the process.
WHAT I AM TEACHING IN THIS EPISODE:
The Pit and the Ladder. When someone you love receives hard news, their world feels like a deep dark pit. And when we love hard and care deeply, our instinct is to run and jump right in with them. Now there are two of you in the pit and neither one of you can get out. That is not empathy. That is misery loves company. I am going to teach you a much more powerful way.
What true empathy actually looks like. It is grabbing a long ladder, going down to where your friend is, sitting with them, letting your face deform with pain, crying with them, holding space, saying nothing that tries to fix it or rush it. And then, when the time is right, climbing back up and extending your hand. Come with me. Let me give you some hope. Let me help you find the best doctor, the best attorney, the best path forward. That is empathy. That is the face of Christ.
Why feeling is healing. When you allow yourself to welcome the pain, to fully feel it without dwelling in it, you are doing something sacred. The key is the difference between welcoming a feeling and pitching a tent inside it. You can visit the pit. You just cannot move in.
What to do when the pain feels bigger than you. Journal it. Rant on the page. Say all the things. Then pause, pray, invite the Holy Spirit to take over, and let God write the response through your hand. Breathe. Inhale peace, exhale the emotion, twice as long on the exhale. Come back to the present. Come back to the person in the pit and extend the hand again.
If you are the person people call when they are broken, if you are the one who absorbs everyone else's pain and cannot put it down, I want you to know two things.
First, your heart is one of the most beautiful things about you. Do not let anyone, including yourself, make you feel like caring too much is a flaw.
Second, you are not meant to carry it. You are meant to hold it gently, bring it to God, and then use it to serve. The ladder goes both ways. Your job is to climb down and extend the hand. Not to stay at the bottom.
And if you feel called to be equipped, truly equipped, to help the people God has assigned to you, I want to tell you something. God does not choose the equipped. He equips the chosen. And if people naturally come to you for support, you have already been chosen. Now it is time to be formed.
Resources & Links:
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